i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
