I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I checked into jail on foursquare
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
