I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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