I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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