you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
