The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
