Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
