My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
