tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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