: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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