I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
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Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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