i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
