The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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