We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
