I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
