I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
