Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
