Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
