you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
