She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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