Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
