So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
