Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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