So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
