I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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