her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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