Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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