Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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