I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There are leaves in my underwear?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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