chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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