its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
