There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
