Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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