I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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