I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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