He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
