you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
