i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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