I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
