highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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