Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
