I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
