He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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