Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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