No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
