Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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