The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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