Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
