Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
