Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
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Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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