she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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