he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
