we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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