Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
