Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
