i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
