So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
