I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
