walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
