my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
