I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's never too late to be topless.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
