dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
only if we run a train.
done.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
