Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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