I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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