He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
