he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
