Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
