I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
