If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
