Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
