I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This baby is an asshole
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
