when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
