Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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