I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
