it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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