you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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