i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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