So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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