It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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