I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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