I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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